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The Forget Me Not Sew Along holds a special place in my heart. I would love to share with you the why and how it relates to my very extended absence from blogging.
Saying that it has been a while since I have posted anything is an understatement. It has been so long I feel like a newbie in the blogging world. The explanation for my absence, and what I have been up to, cannot be summed up into one post. So, true to my creative nature, I figured it would be better to explain with a series of projects. Projects that explain a little of the timeline of the last few years.
It’s hard to believe it has been over 4 years since I have last shared my life with you. Blogging was such a big part of my life. I always enjoyed being able to create beautiful things, while working with people and brands I loved. It was the way I had learned to express myself creatively while helping our family at home.
Then in February of 2015, after months of trying for a second child, I got pregnant. We were thrilled! From the time our son was born in 2010 we knew we wanted him to have a sibling, and to say I had baby fever by this point doesn’t even begin to describe it.
We had just enough time to tell a few friends and family our good news before we realized I was loosing our long awaited second baby. We were broken hearted. I felt like it came out of no where. I had this false confidence that everything would be ok, and nothing prepared me for this.
After it happened I laid in bed overcome with grief. I remember that night while laying in bed, I heard my son and husband in the living room. I felt a tug on my heart and knew I needed to get up. I needed to be with them, and I needed to keep going. Getting out of bed might seem like such a simply task, but at that moment and still now looking back I felt like it was such pivotal moment in my story. Still broken hearted I felt a strength I didn’t know I had, and I made a choice to press on with life and my responsibilities.
I did pretty good about continuing on with life, but then two months later I was surprisingly pregnant again. We were nervous, but tried to remain positive. It was good that I had been able to get pregnant so quickly, right?
I made it past the point of my first miscarriage. The weeks continued, I sure felt very pregnant at this point and I began to grow more excited. I never expect my last miscarriage to happen since I had had one healthy baby, and even though I had been through that I still remained positive it wouldn’t happen a second time.
I wish that was true, but our very first appointment at nine weeks of pregnancy revealed that something was wrong. My care providers were optimistic though and thought that maybe I had just gotten my date wrong. I completely lost it. Even though everyone was telling me there was still a chance I knew in my heart what was to come. We had follow up ultrasound after ultrasound and it became clearer each time that I was going to lose this baby. It took 4 weeks to actually happen and another 4 weeks of dealing with the miscarriage part. I couldn’t press on this time. It crushed me, I was still too weak from the loss of my first baby and here now I was loosing a second in what would be a very long process. Here I was pregnant, yet no one really considered me pregnant anymore. I couldn’t just choose to get out of bed and keep going this time. I withdrew from everything and yet at the same time plunged into other things to keep myself distracted.
For some reason blogging was one of the things I struggled to do. I couldn’t sit in the quiet of my thoughts and a keyboard. I couldn’t manage my grief and deadlines. I tried, but I couldn’t create like I had before. I let a lot of people down in that time, and broke relationships with brands I loved.
I am thankful for the people who rallied around me with support, love and kindness. Having a miscarriage is the loneliest feeling in the world, but family and friends tried to find ways and things that would encourage me along this path. The cards, little mementos and gifts became my most valued possessions. I quickly realized the importance of things I could look at or hold in rememberance of those precious babies I was only able to hold in my heart.
Very early on my Mother in Law mentioned buying Forget Me Not flowers that I could plant in their honor. I loved the idea. From that moment on those flowers, were my flowers, and they became so important to me. To my surprise just a few months later, one of my favorite quilters, Sue Daley came out with a fabric and weekly sew along called Forget Me Not.
Now I have no idea why she created this fabric. I don’t know the story or the inspiration behind the project, but I know I felt like it was meant for me. What are the odds that a fabric line and quilt along with the words that had been etched into my heart would come along the very time I needed it. I had to join this quilt along.
Through my tears and pain I could use my hands to craft something I could hold and wrap around me in rememberance of my precious babies. With each stitch maybe I would find a little healing. I was gifted enough fabric to get started, and I began English Paper Piecing those 1” hexagons together.
I got started, but while waiting for more fabric to come I put the project to the side. I quickly threw myself into something else and the quilt along pieces were tucked away. Time after time I would think about that fabric, that barely started project sitting there waiting to be sewn together. Especially on the anniversaries of those losses, I would long for that quilt to be finished, but for some reason I continued to put it off.
I kept myself busy, started countless other projects, including homeschooling and a new career. But, when things calmed down I was still left with that same sadness. Months ago I hit a low point emotionally and mentally. I couldn’t use busy-ness as a way out. I had to stop. I had to deal with the things that were haunting me.
As I started the process of facing these things, I began to truly reflect on what is important to me. I realized how much I missed creating for my home and family, how much I missed my blog, and how much my heart needed me to stop and finish that Forget Me Not quilt.
Now I know that true comfort and peace in situations like this can only come from trust in my Lord and Savior. But, I believe that He has given me these talents, and a passion for creating as a way to express myself. With these pieces of fabric I can do something for myself and the babies I never got to meet. I can visible have a representation of my love for them.
As I jump back into blogging and pick up my needle and thread, I wonder who else needs this quilt along? Every day I hear about a mom that is hurting, and now more than ever, as a country, we’re are facing a great amount of grief and loss. If sewing and quilting is your passion, I would love to have you join me in this. I’m sure it will be quite the emotional process to finish, and I will probably stop and start a lot. I also know I will have other things to work on, but I plan to dedicate a certain amount time each week to this special project that means so much to me.
As I looked up the links for this sew along to share with you, I found out that Sue Daley has recently experienced a crushing loss. My heart goes out to her, and I hope something encourages her heart like her sew along encouraged this English Paper Piecer’s heart.
I’ll be sharing my progress on Instagram, and I would be thrill to have you follow along and even join in, and I would love to know if you are quilting in honor of a loss. I hope that we can encourage each other along the way.
Click on the links below to find out all the sew along details.
I know this was a very long post to explain why I stepped away from blogging. Thank you for bearing with me as I typed out the words that were on my heart. I’m so glad to be back sharing projects with you again. I hope you will continue to follow along as I find my way back to a creative life, my Life After Laundry and loss.